So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
