I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
