ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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