So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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