She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
