im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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