YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
meet me or not, i'm out of control
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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