Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
