I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
