there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
