who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
pray to the hookup gods
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
