Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
