pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
