Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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