i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
