You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
