You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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