Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
