You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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