Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Green mimosas i think yes
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
