I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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