she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
