My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
