i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
