i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
