I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
