I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
