I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
