Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
