Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
