3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
