i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
