Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
