I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
