Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
