Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
