So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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