Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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