my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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