Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
