it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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