you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
