The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
