Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
