Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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