we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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