I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
