I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
