He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
