u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
