My underwear smells like fireworks.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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