Already got asked if we're dating
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
